A DESI in a DownTown

Hi there :)

I am back with a brand new blog … I am going to write about how a “Desi” (An Indian in other countries) feels after going to a downtown.

Actually, the story starts back at home only. As most of the airlines allow 23 + 23 + 8 = 54 Kg of luggage, which is more than enough for a person, a desi makes some strategies to take excess luggage. Here are some the tricks he uses. He puts around 24-25 kg in each bag, most of the time air line people do not crib about 2-3 extra kg and then in hand bags he puts as much as he can. Ya desis put15 Kg in hand bag as it is not being weighed anywhere. Desi carries a laptop bag also and puts some extra 2 kg in that and carries some heavy books in hand. That’s not all; some of them wear the heaviest cloths and sometimes 2-3 pants or shirts to reduce the baggage weight. As if in US/UK/CANADA they don't have cloths, they don't wear it that is all together a different topic :)

Okay this was about the pre-flying preparation. In flight he makes full use of the free lunch / dinner and beverages given by Air lines, even though he doesn't feel like having it, aakhir paise jo vasul karne hai :P. And you won’t belive it, he steals the welcome kit and headphones from the seats around also. Only a desi can do that right?

Once he arrives at the U S of A (or any foreign country for that matter) his convert-o-meter starts. 1 USD = 40 INR hmm. The trolley is for 3 USD that means 120 INR, no ways he is not going to take it; he will carry all the luggage on his own but will not pay for the trolley.

Then the first thing he observes is "Hi There", he wonders why the hell everybody keep on telling "Hi There" "Hi There". Eventually he also starts the same. Similarly he wonders about excess usage of "Sorry" and "Thank you", but again desi, being a very adjustable creature, starts using those words without any reasons.

His Convert-o-meter never stops. Whenever he goes to some store he observes that 500 gms of Yogurt (Curd) is for $ 4 that means 160 INR, baap re... in India I use to get it for 10 bucks I should not buy it, next Biscuit $ 6 = 240 INR, in India it is for 20 bucks no I can’t buy it, Soap, chocolates, Flowers… oh my god, everything is costly here. After spending 30 minutes in a store he comes out with only bread, that to 60% whole wheat, because it costs $ 1 lesser then 100% whole wheat (hmmm 40 INR saved :)). Next is coffee which comes of $1.50, oh my god In India I used to get it for 5 bucks. His brain continuously works on complicated formula like [($ Convert to INR) - (original INR value)]/ original INR value and lot more…

With all these calculations he starts working. His journey starts early in the morning. He runs to catch the transit. Once again the convert-o- meter starts. Shall I go for $2.75 per trip or $20 per week or $ 75 per month? Which is cheaper? And what if I don’t get any of this? He prefers to walk till the next station and then catches a free zone local from there or he asks some of his friends to give his pass for few hours. In downtown he gets confused and some how he reaches to his office building. By not knowing difference between different lifts (high raise and low raise) he goes to high raise lift and look for 5th floor button, and then releases oh high raise lifts starts from 12th floor. Then he puts mock confidence on his face and presses 12th floor button. He gets out of the lift and looks here and there to make sure no body is watching & quickly takes the next lift to go to the ground floor again to catch the low raise lift.

This is one of the experiences he faces, there are many more. Like he will not be able to find out wash room in his floor and every time he will go to some other floor to use it because some of his friends might have shown that only ;). He will make a hell lot of mistakes while walking on footpath or while crossing the road. Even he will not be able to get in to the trains or get out of those trains for the first time. While walking on the street he will not be able to control his tongue, it will automatically come out when he will see girls around. He thinks that they are just making formalities by wearing such small cloths but he feels very happy about it. He starts liking the rush in trains because of the beautiful physical contacts. :)

Another thing he finds in US is that phone is very costly there. In India even a beggar affords it but here its god damn costly, our desi has a solution for that also. He starts using online VOIP phones. But desi wants something free, each account gives first 5 minutes free so he creates multiple accounts to use free talk time.

But but but… all these cost cutting plans doesn’t come in between his club trips. Every month he goes there and he keeps a separate fund for that. He adjusts himself in US life style. He goes crazy about keep on downloading unwanted stuffs and drinking cold drinks instead water. He tries his level best not to look like a desi but inside he remains desi only. He feels extremely happy when another new desi commits the same mistakes he had committed in past and instead of guiding him he laughs on it.


PS : Based on my personal experience and inputs from friends